Sitting and meditating in a cozy and quiet room by yourself is actually a wonderful experience. But sometimes it doesn't prepare you for real life turmoil because you aren't able to instantly get out of a situation and get into the lotus position and meditate.
But you can do some mini meditations while being engaged with other people and practice them all the time during your life so they become easy. Some of these 5 tips might seem real hard and they probably will be, but so was riding a bike before it became something that you could never forget.
So here are 5 things you can do when anger flares up, doubt arises, fear overwhelms you, and you are teetering on the edge of snapping.
1. Breathe deeply
This seems very hacky and an overused suggestion, but it's useful because you can do this silently and easily and without making a big display for people. If you do this through your nose, people will not notice and you can instantly gain a bit of relaxation, oxygen, and bring yourself to the present moment so you can think more clearly.
2. Stand straight and relax your tension
Just slowly straighten your posture and stand tall to gain more confidence that you can handle anything that comes your way. And make an effort to relax the clenched jaw, may clenched fist, and the other tension in your body when rage arises. I sometimes feel a tightening in my stomach, back, and shoulders when anger hits me hard. But when you just notice this constriction and pay attention to it for a second, it does loosen up just a little bit.
3. Empty your mind
There are a myriad of negative thoughts which can flood your mind when things don't go your way and anger ensues. Let these thoughts come but make a conscious effort not to run with them. Just let them be and fade away. Empty your mind so you don't instantly act, as anger is just a letter away from danger.
4. Smile
Smiling when you're angry can be akin to lifting a thousand pounds over your head. But you don't need to put on a fake toothy grin; just even a millimeter of a lip curl at the ends will make a difference in changing your focus from rage to more positive solutions.
5. Have compassion
This is real hard in the moment and very counter-intuitive to what we typically feel is the normal reaction. But you can start this by having compassion for yourself having to endure a situation and then having compassion for the other person in realizing that they are more than likely acting out of pain or delusion and going to create more suffering for themselves; this is something that will bring you long term happiness. The reason we typically lash out at people in anger is that it feels good, we feel as though it is going to make us happy. It's a release. But as soon as we do that, then more pain keeps coming in terms of greater conflict and fighting and a negative energy around us and oftentimes feelings of regret and guilt; remorse over actions done in haste under the possession of anger. We anticipated happiness from the reactive rage but it turned out to be the opposite. Compassion and understanding curtails that insta-anger reactive that is built into many of our psyches, and allows and opportunity to avoid that pitfall of creating more suffering, and actually helps in finding a way to generate solutions and some healing in the situation.
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