In arguments and debates and interactions with others, at some point, someone is going to press your "button". An aggressive comment someone makes towards you is going to tap into anger and a deep seated pain inside you, which triggers the so intoxicating desire to lash out in a fit of rage and hurt the other person verbally or even physically.
Anger has a narrowing impact on the mind and closes down the way you look at things. It narrows down the options to one thing: attack. Unfortunately, the words spoken and actions taken under the blinding effect of anger often lead to a lot of hostility, frustration, suffering, and a greater load of anger on top of the initial load. The problem is that you have to live with all this weight of negativity. Unleashing on another person is the conditioned reaction we have, but it's more conducive to greater peace for our own minds if we can resist that initial urge to strike back, allow the anger to fade, and then take action from a more clear-headed perspective. Unfortunately it's not easy, and it's a lesson that is often learned through failure and suffering immensely. However, after time, you realize it's okay to experience anger, but acting out of it is like driving through a brutal snow storm without your glasses in your totally fogged up car. It's just a bad idea. If you can find a way to wait and express your opinions and take action from a more clear and empty mind, which is calm, it will be extremely more empowering, effective, and beneficial in making sure you are understood. Plus you don't have to deal with carrying a whole load more negativity with you.
There is no denying the fact there will be the desire to attack verbally, physically, and even creatively through passive aggressive means. But, in the end, if you have a principle in mind that you do not want to harm people and harm yourself, you will try and live by it and not lash out. Not harming others is not just for their benefit, but also for yourself. There is so much of a negative charge of energy that builds up inside do to reacting harshly and attack others out of anger and deep-seated pain, that you are actually practicing compassion and love to yourself by not attacking others. That's the interesting thing about it. You are not just showing mercy on others, you are actually practicing forgiveness and love towards yourself. You realize the self destructive fire of anger has on you and you try and not act out of it any longer.
This is not easy though. It takes practice. It takes trying it many times and failing. It takes possibly feeling like you are going to lose your mind in a blind rage at times, because the energy of anger and pain, and the conglomeration of the two, is massive. But as powerful as those two forces are, they are nothing compared to the power of now. The power of being in the present moment. The power of awareness of the fact that anger has arising, and that old conditioned patterns of behavior based on pain have flared up. Attention makes the pain and anger fade. You realize that they will arise, they will remain, and ultimately cease. If they come back, it's the same process. And that same process may be needed to be repeated over and over and over and over again because of the powerful charge that anger and pain have. You have to be mentally ready and alert at all times. It initially seems catastrophically mentally draining practice. But eventually it will be considered a beautiful bounty as it is a constant practice of you going back into the present moment and connecting with who you are.
And then you see these negative forces as fireworks:
Explosive and bright and overwhelming at first! But then slowly fade away.
And eventually you will be able to just sit back and just enjoy the show.